Food Holidays

Celebrate Cheesecake Day

Jul 30, 2020

Cheesecakes are great, right? Wrong. They are liars. Pant straight up ablaze with their fibs. Cheesecakes are not actually cakes; they are pies. What a load of garbo. It's like finding out Santa isn't real. What a bummer.


Celebrate Chicken Wing Day

Jul 29, 2020

Rip the arms off a bird and start chomping, because that's what today is all about. Does that bird need to fly? You don't care, as long as you got the happy hour price. Actually the world melts away. You hear nothing while eating.


Celebrate Milk Chocolate Day

Jul 28, 2020

Nobody is going to say that chocolate is bad, unless they love to fight with people. Now the question is do you inject the milk, or keep it pure coco. Some people are purists, but today is all about the white cream in chocolate.


Celebrate Scotch Day

Jul 27, 2020

This hard liquor transforms people; makes them believe all kinds of silliness and lose touch on reality. If you're wearing a suit and drinking scotch, you feel amazing. It doesn't matter that you lost your job, you feel great.


Celebrate Coffee Milkshake Day

Jul 26, 2020

This is one of the greediest drinks you could ever have. A milkshake is already dairy juiced up with sugar, like a body builder cutting corners by sticking needles in his heinie. Add coffee to the mix and it's game over.


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