Food Holidays

There's a new food holiday every day, and we have something to say about each of them.

Celebrate "Have a Bagel" Day

Dec 11

Celebrating the existence of bagels isn't good enough today. You need to actually cherish the act of consuming a bagel. This will come easy to you, if you came from a good family. Bad parents don't teach proper bagel values.

Celebrate Lager Day

Dec 10

Lager is for the boys (and girls!). It's a drink you chug after you bang the glasses together. It's a drink you enjoy with the squad. But don't you dare think for a second that baes will want in on the lager situation.

Celebrate Pastry Day

Dec 09

You love to eat pastries. If you don't love to eat pastries, we might have to put you in front of a congressional hearing. Not liking pastries sounds like something a communist would do. LOL JK. Naw, everybody loves pastries.

Celebrate Brownie Day

Dec 08

Brownies are a fantastic treat. Warm, chewy, sugary, chocolatey, and other "e" sounding adjectives. It's quite the taste experience. Then you got the minor leagues of girl scouts trying to coop the brand. We don't like it.

Celebrate Cotton Candy Day

Dec 07

It's filled with sugar and air. Could you ask for a better food? Cotton candy literally provides you with the two things you need to stay alive: oxygen and sugar. But don't touch it with your bare hands. That's very gross.

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