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National Croissant Day
Jan 30, 2020
Looking for a sugary breakfast treat that will also make you horny? Well look no further because the Croissant is your angel from heaven. It will load you up with a sugar high before you answer your emails, plus make you rock hard.
National Hot Chocolate Day
Jan 31, 2020
This is one of the greatest drinks of all time. Nobody deserves its powerful flavor. We should be grateful that we can eat butt. Someone is letting you put your face between their cheeks, and we don't care. Unbelievable.
National Dark Chocolate Day
Feb 1, 2020
This is the sexiest of all the chocolates. It gets all the sex organs leaking, and with one bite they start gushing. It's just a fact. Scientists would test it, but Christian colleges have blocked the research. But we know the truth.
National Tater Tot Day
Feb 2, 2020
Easily one of the greatest side dishes of all time, tots offer fresh break from French fries. Let's face it, they are just better than French Fries. Why would you not want the potato equivalent to veal?
National Carrot Cake Day
Feb 3, 2020
This dessert tastes so good because of murder. Carrots are known for their outlaw lifestyles, so killing and eating them really amps up the flavor. Enjoy every bite of carrot cake, because that gang of carrots deserved to die.
