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National Pecan Day
Apr 14, 2020
As of the time of this writing, the U.S. Pecan Organization still uses very questionable names to describe different sizes of pecans. Is one of them a slur? Yes. Do you want to know which slur they used? Of course you do.
National Glazed Ham Day
Apr 15, 2020
Ham is literally a pig's butt cheek. That's where the meat comes from. Would you really eat a heinie? Of course you would, because butts are delicious. The glutes are known for having so much flavor, hence our attraction to butts.
National Eggs Benedict Day
Apr 16, 2020
Tired of eating out of boxes? You should order a plate of Eggs Benedict, a dish so elegant it can't even be caught dead inside a box; therefore, it will be cremated instead of buried. You do need to go to brunch to get this though.
National Cheeseball Day
Apr 17, 2020
Cheeseballs have never been filmed or photographed. Don't worry about the image to the right. They said it's a cheeseball, but you can't trust photographers these days. Have you ever seen a cheeseball in real life?
National Animal Crackers Day
Apr 18, 2020
Eating animals is a lot of fun, until you remember that something had to die. That's stinky. That's why animal crackers are so magical: you get to have the experience of biting into an animal, without the creature actually dying.
