The Celeste Pizza For One Diet Changes Your Shape in No Time At All

Ross Weisman | Mar 3, 2017

Everyone wants to lose weight, and the Celeste Pizza Diet is hands-down the best way to do it. I was sick of complicated food rules, workout routines, and all the money I was throwing away. One day in the supermarket, I realized the best diet out there has to be THE SIMPLEST! So I pushed past a group of elderly women and made my way to the frozen section, filling my cart with Celeste Pizza for One pizzas! Here are my secrets to success.


Pizza is the bomb, no doubt about it. And because Celeste Pizza for One comes in single-serving boxes, it’s easy as pie (see what I did there?) to measure what nutrients your body is getting in. By eating four delicious pizzas a day, your body is getting all the fat, sodium, and carbs it needs AND THEN SOME! Eating the same thing everyday is important, so consuming quasi-authentic Italian food is peak health! But don’t feel stuck with a three cheese blend. Celeste Pizza for One has everything from pepperoni to small vegetables! Plenty of variety for everyone! Finally, Celeste Pizza for One has a disk that crisps my crust in the microwave? Thank God, since I now use my oven as a storage container for all my still-unused boxes of Celeste Pizza! Should you refrigerate them? Only if you’re a big baby.


Even if you’re treating yourself to a world-class pizza meal, you don't have to stick to the dining room table! Though in my case, I use a step stool next to the kitchen sink. These are pizzas for one, meaning you can hold these puppies with one hand and eat 'em on the go! On a skateboard? Perfect. Hoverboard? Definitely. Rollerblades? Eh, let’s not get cocky. Even when you’re not traveling, you can eat Celeste Pizzas for One anywhere you like. Munch on them while sauntering down the street on the way to work! Nibble on them your desk in small increments! Eat them in one of your office’s bathroom stalls to avoid the shameful gaze of your co-workers as you eat a 99¢ microwaveable pizza. You’re losing weight! Who cares what they think?

Celeste Pizza Diet + Exercise

This is my favorite equation since special relativity. Here are a few of the hundreds of exercises you can do with Celeste Pizzas for One!

Dead lifting boxes of frozen pizza

Before heating up, the average Celeste Pizza for One weighs half a pound. When you’re lugging sixty frozen pizzas from the car trunk to the freezer or storage oven, that's a lot of weight! As an extra challenge, leave your car and walk your Leaning Tower of Pizza (for One) from the market to your home!

Pizza sprints

Think you see your ex buying lottery tickets and worried they might see you with your Celestes? For a good cardio drill, grab all sixty of your Pizzas for One and run as fast as you can from the checkout to your car. You’ll be gone before he can say how sorry he is for you! Think you dropped something? Unless it’s a delicious Celeste Pizza for One, leave it on the ground to rot.


The only downside to this diet is that pooping will feel like a distant memory. Doing some squats between microwavings should get your digestive system back in check!

Body Changes

The Celeste Pizza Diet is a miracle. Since beginning two months ago, my heart rate has increased tenfold! More blood = more health (my other favorite equation). My doctor calls those palpitations, but he's just mad I'm not buying the drugs he’s peddling! Because the Celeste Pizza Diet only calls for Celeste Pizza for One, I have stopped my liquid intake. Again, my doctor disapproves, saying I’m “phenomenally dehydrated” and “doubtful how I’m alive at this point.” I don’t know what any of those words mean, but all I know is I’m relaxed and a bit sleepy all the time. What a nice change of pace! Finally, I’m saving a fortune on sunscreen because my skin is producing it for me! Folks may call the mixture on my skin “a melting pot of pizza grease and fat sweats,” but it's the best UV protector yet!


All in all, the Celeste Pizza Diet is one I would recommend to anyone. It’s cheap, fast, easy, and simple! No more measuring micro-portions of protein powder. No more special ordering at restaurants. All I do is throw a thawed-out frozen pizza on my place and bon apetit! As I write this, my eyesight’s fluttering in and out a bit. This is a classic give and take of dieting, but I’m gonna experiment with some other products my grocer stocks. Check me out next month after I add in Totino’s Pizza Sticks to my routine!

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