I LIVE IT: A Candy Bar is Better for Me Than Celery

Patric Ciervo | Jan 26, 2017

At 3:00 pm, I found myself eating a chocolate candy bar, for the good of my health.

Eating a Candy Bar for Health Reasons

I didn’t want to eat the chocolate candy bar, but I had to, for health reasons. You see, I am a type one diabetic and my blood sugar was dropping. So I am faced with another tough health decision. Chocolate candy or chocolate chip cookies? I had used cookies previously so this time I decided candy bar. At 3:20, I was back to feeling healthy and normal. All because of something people say isn’t good for you and that you shouldn’t eat, candy. I often find myself stuffing my face with a delicious chocolate candy bar. The same way someone takes Motrin for headache. All in the name of good health. Type One Diabetics are a unique group of people. For the first 23 years of my life I had a pancreas that worked like Obama. It was always there, always taking care of me and became greatly more appreciated when it was gone. The difference now is that my pancreas doesn’t work. Leaving me to become Donald Trump: overwhelmed, confused and in charge. Like the 2016 election, after diagnosis, I was left wondering how the hell this happened. Was my body hacked by the Russians!? People have their theories, but we still don’t really know for sure how we found ourselves in this mess. One thing we do know, however, is that the stigma about bad eating habits caused this to happen is “fake news”. And most days of the week, I am eating something sugary to raise blood sugar and keep me healthy.

The Great Mishap of Thanksgiving 2014

On Thanksgiving 2014 I found myself in a situation I hope Trump never finds himself in. Over my head because I was feeling over confident. I had miscalculated how much insulin I needed for Thanksgiving dinner. Upon realizing this I had a feeling like I had just launched a nuclear missile. But, my fear was soon turned into joy. My birthday falls around Thanksgiving. This means after dinner there is double chocolate cake. I knew that for the good of my health and for the good of our nation I had no choice to eat this double chocolate cake. About an hour and half later, I checked my blood sugar and saw I was 150. Which, for diabetics, is the first movie in the National Lampoon Vacation series. It’s not as good as Christmas Vacation, but you smile when you see it, and are happy with it.

The Aftermath

The rest of that Thanksgiving went well. Thanks to the health benefits of cake I was able to take part and enjoy all the great things of Thanksgiving. I was a part of generic family conversations. I engaged in fake laughter, and refreshed my Facebook feed during awkward silences. All while my numbers stayed at a normal level. They even switched from a Vacation to Christmas Vacation level. The day did not need any more help from more guilt free chocolate cake or other emergency candy bar. Which on the one hand is great because it means things are working well. But, I am happy anytime I have an excuse to indulge in food that I normally wouldn’t eat. The great cake debacle of 2014 was a learning lesson. Most days with diabetes are not going to be Obama days. But you need to hope like hell that they aren’t Trump days either. At best you would hope to run your body the way Tim Kaine would run the country. He could be better but you trust him to get the job done. But those Trump days: when you feel overwhelmed and you wish that Putin would get you out of this mess. It's comforting to know that you have a delicious chocolatey back up plan to make things better. So I will continue to eat cake, not for the good of my health but for the good of our nation.

Share On Social

Did you enjoy this article? Use one of the buttons below to share it on social media.

Categories: Comedy | Articles

Find Our Content and Join the Fun

Enjoy our streams, podcasts, and videos; plus connect with fans.