Comedians Discover Why This Horoscope Actually Works

Episode 38 | Sep 20, 2016

Horoscopes sound wack, until they have the soul read on you.

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Listen to Full Belly Laughs Episode 38

Use the audio player below to enjoy Full Belly Laughs Podcast Episode 38: Comedians Discover Why This Horoscope Actually Works.

A horoscope is something you usually read in the daily paper after giving up on the Sudoku. But not any more! You can know the future and eat the best foods you ought to be eating with this powerful predictor.

Blood Type is the Best Horoscope Indicator

That's right. Blood types are way more reliable than zodiac signs. Forget the difference between Virgo and Libra. It's all about whether or not you're A, B, or AB! The Japanese understand the importance of blood type. They look to their veins as opposed to the stars. Once you understand blood types, there is so much knowledge you can unlock in the world. I did you the favor of writing up your horoscope. Take a peak at your type and learn the future.

Type A

You possess the power to stay calm, especially when faced with bogus information. You may share this article, but you won't write up a Facebook essay.

Type B

You are the most practical in the group. You read this sentence out of pure curiosity because from the jump you knew this was a load of crap.

Type AB

People call you Hannah Montana because you've got the best of both worlds. Practical, cool, and overall dope af, you rock the socks off of fake science with a glare that would rival Chuck Norris.

Type O

People always want to know if you are or were a scene kid. You answer begrudgingly because you know they want to know if you love that band Type O Negative. For some reason the world can't handle coincidences.

Love is in the Blood: The Cupid Horoscope

Even love is no longer a mystery. Use the Blood Type Calculator and say goodbye to Tinder, Bumble, and conventional wisdom. With this powerful device and web app you can learn about your ideal mate. Common interests and values are nothing compared to letters assigned to blood mutations.

Food Horoscope: Blood Type Diet

There are many people out there that base their diets on blood type. Forget those crazies trying to eat like a caveman or saying no to carbs. Instead followers of Dr. Peter D'Adamo's book "Eat Right For Your Type" lead many to believe blood type should dictate diet. Type A people should avoid meat, type B people should avoid veggies, and type AB people should die. Blood type should not be used to choose food. It is however a good indicator of what someone will eat if they follow the diet. So the best predictor of consumption isn't blood type but diets themselves!

The Truth is Out There

If you love astrology, horoscopes, and diets based on random things don't click on these links:

The Sages of Horoscopes

Thank you to our guests. Here's a fun picture of us:

Robert Ecks

Follow him on Twitter.

Amanda Taylor

Also follow her on Twitter.

Jessa Reed

Look out! No Twitter here. Just FB.

Stars Aligned for Chicken in a Brine

Between gazing at the stars and taking our blood we managed to scarf down some chicken breasts and quinoa. Nothing too special. Just rehashed a couple elements from previous meals on the show. If you listen to every episode then you know, and if you didn't then hop to it.

We're Doing It Live

No matter your sign or blood type, the universe is telling us to tell you to go to these live performances of the podcast:

This next week will be interesting, but your path will lead you to the same place: downloading the Full Belly Laughs podcast every Tuesday for the newest episode.

Podcast Show Notes: Links and References

Horoscopes sound wack, until they have the soul read on you.

Comics delve into horoscopes, and why they can actually guide you in life. Read the summary or listen to the podcast now.

Brian Durkin is on Twitter and Instagram.

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